Writing this blog has always terrified me. The idea that I had anything to say and that I would put those thoughts out into the world on such a public platform would have been inconceivable to me as a child. I was raised to be afraid. I was raised to be untrusting of others. I was raised to doubt myself.

This isn’t to say I was taught these patterns in a formal or even direct way, but I certainly learned them. It was in the subtle judgment of those around me when I was too loud, too aggressive, too emotional, or simply too much. It was in the way I was bullied by other kids for being awkward or having an accent, or being chubby, or too quiet, too brown, or just different.

I understood that I didn’t fit in–not among the adults I wanted to emulate and not among my peers whom I didn’t understand. I have clear recollections of testing those boundaries with others by expressing myself, allowing myself to be seen or heard, and being immediately shamed as a result. With each experience, the net effect meant that the world would not feel safe unless I was accepted by others, aware only of the constant need to achieve external validation.

Fast forward to today, writing in this blog again for the first time in almost three years, and working on my second book, the fear is still here.

This is why it can feel like stepping into the fire. Some of us have been taught to make ourselves smaller to be worthy, to be acceptable, to be valuable to others but inside we’re filled with intense fear, sorrow, anxiety, rage and have been given no outlet that feels safe to express it. Almost all of us are taught that these are “bad” feelings to have and that something is “wrong” with us if we feel them. The choice to keep moving forward through those flames of emotion rather than avoid or suppress them can feel terrifying…but we can help ourselves through it.

This is where our power lies–the present moment. The ability to see ourselves clearly and with full awareness, creating space for all of that discomfort. The ability to reflect back on how we arrived where we are while also allowing each experience to unfold organically, showing us who we are now. With all of this informing us in one moment, with clarity, we have the ability to also take the next best step…for us, for our journey, for our life’s purpose.

It’s in the present that we can remember we have a choice at all. With practice, we can learn to pay attention to the objective, neutral truth of each moment, letting go of what we can’t control and refocusing on what we can. With practice, we can call ourselves out for the stories in our minds that we create around our ability, our value, and our worth, releasing the beliefs imposed upon us by others’ own insecurities, fears, and false perspectives, recognizing that they are also just that–stories.

The practice of emotional healing can feel like stepping into the fire but with awareness and guidance, we can learn to draw out the truth our emotions are meant to reveal. We can learn to face them and allow them to move through us. Rather than making ourselves smaller and withdrawing from the flames, we can begin to challenge the thoughts, the stories, and create a new world filled with meaning and purpose for us to navigate through instead.

After spending the last few years training others to teach, I have returned to write, teach, mentor and guide my own students again. My availability for private clients are filling up but new workshops eligible for continuing education credits are in the works. If anything within this updated site speaks to you, I hope to hear from you soon.